I’ve been there. I understand.
I’ve made excuses.
I prayed, chanted and hollered.
…but hear this:
It Is Not Worth It!
No matter how much you love your partner or how much they say they love you, if you’re experiencing ANY type of abuse, you deserve better.
Abuse comes in many forms. Unfortunately, we don’t talk enough about the invisible emotional abuse dished out by someone who says, “I love you.”
“Abuse doesn’t always manifest as a black eye or a bloody wound. The effects of psychological abuse are just as damaging.”
“Why did I stay? I stayed because I was isolated; I was financially dependent on him; I was sleep deprived; I was told and I believed I was worthless; I was worn down from constantly being on guard for the next attack.”
I stayed because I was more afraid to leave. Via http://www.ptsdjournal.com/posts/you-can-get-ptsd-from-staying-in-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/
Being in an emotional abusive relationship will leave you feeling paranoid, vulnerable, overly cautious, and disempowered. Even after you’ve walked away and feel as if you’ve healed, these feelings may resurface when you start to date again. At this point, it’s common to:
- become overly aggressive and defensive;
- climb back into your hole of fear, protection and despair; and/or
- remain in a place of victim mentality.
None of these “things” are healthy and serve you no purpose. So how do you overcome to move forward?
- Be honest with yourself and call it what it is/was — Abuse!
- Seek professional help, talk with a trusted friend or find a support group.
- Write down your experience and feelings then burn it to symbolically release it.
- Allow yourself to mourn then give yourself space and time to heal.
- Forgive yourself for not seeing the red flags/not leaving sooner.
- Take it slow. Don’t force yourself to start dating again, but don’t hold yourself back either. Plan short dates during the day in casual settings. Don’t share too much about yourself too early and trust your instincts.
- Check yourself! Yes, I said it. Check yourself first. The most important thing you can Do For You is ask yourself:
- “Why did I allow myself to enter into/or stay in an abusive relationship?”
- “What signs did I ignore?”
- “What can I do to make sure that I will NEVER EVER need to depend on someone emotionally or financially again?”
- “What family patterns or trauma taught me that abuse is acceptable?”
Always Remember That You Come First!
If you don’t first uncover what’s going wrong within you, things will never get right.
As Within, So Without.