How To Spot A Sexual Manipulator

When sex isn’t just sex:

  • Perhaps you’re leaving a long-term marriage/relationship, or just starting to explore the possibility of a sexually monogamous relationship. Either way, you might find yourself feeling vulnerable.
  • Maybe you’re offering dating advice to a young adult and want to make sure you don’t leave anything off the list.
    As many of you consider getting back into the dating world again or offering advice to your son/daughter, there are some things we should be aware of.

If your relationship did not end well, you may have some fear and anxiety about being sexually vulnerable. Most dating coaches and spiritual guides would tell you that you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable to let love in and — And you should — To some extent.

We’re realists here, so we’re going to give it to you straight and from experience.

Yes. Be open. Be vulnerable.

Just don’t be gullible.

Unfortunately, there are some people in the world who prey on those we call targets.

We’re going to explore the difference between being vulnerable and gullible in future post, but for now, below is some reading for those of you just getting your toes wet again.

“Not all relationships are formed on an equal footing. One person will often exercise power and authority over the other, and the person in that position may attempt to use their advantage in areas not rightly theirs to control.

Abuses of position are possible from either party in unequal relationships: Sometimes the subordinate person may attempt to balance the disparity by initiating a sexual component into the relationship.

A person who would attempt to use a superior position to obtain sexual favors from a subordinate could be described as a sexual manipulator. People like this are sexually aggressive; usually their objective is their own sexual gratification. They have no concern for the best interests of the other person, and tend to be driven by their own fantasies and need for sexual control as they manipulate and take advantage of a fearful or confused partner. Power, prestige, and sexual prowess are their weapons. Their victims are many.

The most amoral sexual predators do not concern themselves with legality. In order to be sexually sated, they will rape or molest their object of desire. The number of violent sexual predators is thankfully low. But there are a greater number of sexual manipulators, who stop short of bodily coercion. Instead of physical force, they use wit, charm, and verbal adeptness to manipulate intended victims. They choose targets carefully, sure of their ability to control events and manipulate those individuals to get what they desire.” Via

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